Metal Gear German
by Tanarus
Summary: First part of Metal Gear German. This will eventually be taken down and replaced by the real thing. please reveiw and tell me what you dont like about this part.


Metal Gear German  
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Disclaimer: I do not own Metal Gear Solid. I forgot who does. I do not own X-men evolution. Marvel does. I do not own Matrix. I forgot who does. I do not own Men in Black: Same deal, forgot who. I dont own the backstreet boys, and if I did I would hurt them soooo badly. I do not own the premises, characters or scenes of any of these things.  
  
Claimer: The story line is mine. The way I use the parodied scenes is mine. The slogan "Kurt fans are sissies" is mine. ^.^; .   
  
AN: Having played Metal Gear Solid and having some knowledge of its characters is not a must, I will explain them as best I can, but it would help. Having seen the Matrix is about a must. Sorry. I'm guessing most of you will know the X-ev cast anyways.   
  
Rated PG-13 for mild swearing and bloodshed.  
  
AN2: If you don't recognize a character, its probably one from my fic: Mutations, taken a step farther: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=story-read&storyid=290258  
  
AN3: A codec is Solid Snake's communications device in Metal Gear Solid. Sound and Face images are used.  
  
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~~~~~~~~Heh, I bet you thought I was gonna say Kurt fans are sissies huh? Well they aren't, they are ~~~~~~~~merely grapefruit impaired  
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And now, onto the story.  
  
  
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Kurt Wagner, also known as Solid Worm, was enjoying a well deserved retirement after stopping the forces of evil on Shadow Satan's island and Hambubba isle. It was then to happen that he was interrupted by a ringing of his codec, which he had thought was decommissioned. The foolish Kurt, after getting up and tripping, thereby breaking his neck, took a ration to heal himself. He then realized it must be the communists calling him on his codec to spy on him. Becoming terrified, he ran in several circles around the room before falling down on his ass and getting a wedgie. A really big one that hurt real bad. That brought him to his senses as he realized only Colonel Professor Chuck Norris could contact him on the codec. After he regained him composition, smoked three joints of marijuana, downed two spikes of acid and a cheap beer, he answered his codec.  
  
Worm: Zhis is Worm  
  
Colonel: We are the X-men  
  
Worm: Indeed. Iz zhat vy you called?  
  
Colonel: No, but I thought I might as well get that out of the way. I have an appointment to keep after this, and I can't wait till the end to say it.   
  
Worm: Ze end? Vat do you mean?  
  
Colonel: Forget it, you're too stupid to understand the workings of the mind of a god.  
  
Worm: Do you think this is real? (AN: MATRIX!!!)  
  
Colonel: No, but that doesn't matter.  
  
Worm: Ok, zo vhy did you call mee?  
  
Colonel: I have an assignment for you.  
  
Worm: Vat now? Eez it another Metal Gear  
  
Colonel: Yes…  
  
Worm: DAMN IT COLONEL! YOU'RE SO PREDICTABLE!  
  
Colonel: …  
  
Worm: Aww, I'm zorry.  
  
Colonel: Fag  
  
Worm: Ok, vat's the briefing?  
  
Colonel: Come down to headquarters for your assignment.  
  
Worm: Vhere's headquarters?  
  
Colonel: My dumpster outside of Wendy's.  
  
Worm: *.*;  
  
*Scene pans to show Colonel sitting in a dumpster eating moldy fried chicken.  
  
Worm: oh  
  
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*Scene: Behind Wendy's at the site of the Colonels' base*  
  
Worm ::opens codec:: "Vhere are you Chief"  
  
Colonel: That's Colonel idiot.  
  
Worm: oh  
  
Colonel: Well, do you accept the mission?  
  
::worm is still trying to pull out wedgie::  
  
Worm: Grunt, ach. GACK!  
  
::and finally manages to pull it out, along with a large patch of hair::  
  
Colonel: What the hell was that!?  
  
::Worm falls to the ground, snapping one of the smaller bones in his ass::  
  
Worm: OW!  
  
Colonel: Do you think that pain is real?  
  
Worm: FU*K YOU!  
  
::a godly presence happening to be named Tanarus steps out of the shadows::  
  
Tanarus: Ho, Ho's shut up and get back to the mission!  
  
Colonel: What are you going to do?  
  
Tanarus: Delete you ability to reproduce.  
  
Colonel: eep  
  
Tanarus: I'll be leaving now. ::Uses Neuralizer on both of them:: "You were, uhh, um," ::runs away::  
  
Worm: Ver vere ve?  
  
Colonel: The mission.  
  
Worm: Ok.  
  
Colonel: There is a new Metal Gear.  
  
Worm: Yes ve have iztablished zat zere ees a new Metal Gear  
  
Colonel: Is is called Metal Gear Assgod.   
  
Worm: ¿VAT?!  
  
Colonel: You heard me! ASSGOD!  
  
Worm: Hey!  
  
Colonel: I wasn't talking to you! You're a gay-lord not an ass-god!   
  
Worm: Oh ok.  
  
Colonel: Our informants say that it is located in either Northern Alaska or in Germany, and since it seems to be the less likely place for a project requiring huge man-power and electrical energy, we're sending you to Alaska first, where your brother, Liquid Worm, AKA. Maggie (AN read my mutations fic) will likely have set up a huge trap for you.  
  
Worm: VAS IS DAS?  
  
Colonel: Ehh. Enjoy.   
  
Worm: Vhy?  
  
Colonel: Because we are the X-men! We are the X-men! We are the X-men! We are the X-men! We are the X-men!   
  
Worm: ().() ohh.  
  
Colonel: We are the X-men! We are the X-men! We are the X-men! We are the X-men! We are the X-men! We are the X-men! We are the X-men! We are the X-men!   
  
::Colonel suffers a seizure and is taken away by the Wendy's paramedics::  
  
Colonel: We are the *GASP* gack, argh!   
  
Worm: Vhere do I go now?  
  
Tanarus(whispering): BAMF into the great blender of knowledge across the street.  
  
Worm: Hey! Zat's right! I hav to BAMF into the blender! ::BAMF's into the blender::  
  
Tanarus ::Turns on the blender, sets it to puree :: "Heh heh heh"  
  
Worm: Help meee!  
  
Justin Timberlake: I'll save you ::turns off blender::  
  
Worm: Zank you ::bites Justin fiercely for all his help::  
  
Justin: OWW!  
  
::solid worm sets Justin on fire::  
  
Worm: (singing) you are, on fire,  
  
Justin: shut up bitch! ::slaps him::  
  
::they get into a cat fight, which Worm wins, by sheer femininity alone::  
  
Justin: ::whimpers:: oww… im going to get you for that! ::Throws our hero into the air, where he hovers in a karate pose::  
  
Worm: Breeng eet!  
  
::they both pull out guns, which is very odd considering they're both naked::  
  
::A huge battle ensues, during which they befriend each other and eventually fall in love::  
  
Justin: Oh Worm, lets never fight again.  
  
Worm: yeah!  
  
::they kiss and BAMF off to Alaska.  
  
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I know that wasn't very funny, but it will get better. I have some good stuff in store.   



End file.
